I'm Luke Monteleone
Transformation Coach | Storyteller | 4X Founder
It's been a journey...
It's been a journey...
In 2017, I was finally backed against a wall with no option but to face my truth. My multimillion dollar business was failing, I was emotionally bankrupt, regularly abusing substances, entangled in a volatile romantic relationship, suffering the “loss” of my reputation and beginning to understand that I had created a life and identity that was in no way authentic to my being. How could I have fallen so far from grace after years of meticulously crafting a “perfect” life and doing everything “right”? Overcome by debilitating shame and withdrawn into isolation, I came to a grave realization: it’s been me getting in my own way all along. So there I was in my rockbottom, faced with the single most important decision of my life. Would I become my own demise or answer the call to the terrifying, yet courageous hero’s journey of transformation?
But first, let’s rewind this story a bit. I grew up in an upper middle class, seemingly functional family of 5 in Central California. Being the first child, I was high energy, free spirited and inconveniently born into a conventional family of medicine and catholicism. My folks enrolled me in every sport possible in an effort to wear me out and keep me “out of trouble”. However, it was my discovery of ice hockey at 5 years old that became my first love and a perfect outlet for the anger that I was becoming increasingly familiar with. As if traveling throughout the state for hockey games every weekend wasn’t enough, my dad also expected me to become an all-star baseball pitcher, decorated boy scout, straight-A student, annual history day and science fair participant, and, of course, make it to catholic mass + sunday school every Sunday morning. And that’s just the short list. Needless to say, my parents have played a vital role in fueling all of my “achievements” to-date, including, but not limited to: playing in the USA Hockey National Championships and Babe Ruth World Series, being offered college scholarships, attending a top university, serving as the president of my fraternity, starting two multimillion dollar businesses by 25, working with some of the most world renowned music artists, brands and celebrities, and, most importantly, the epic breakdown that led me to awaken to my life’s purpose. (I love you guys!)
You see, this awakening I speak of revealed an entirely different side to my story and motivations that I never knew existed. Beneath my convincingly “perfect” veneer was an emotionally wounded child who desperately needed to feel connected through unconditional love and to be seen for my most authentic self. However, because I was unable to understand these needs, my pursuit of achievement became my mechanism to prove to my parents (and myself) that I was indeed enough and worthy of their love and approval. And so, my self worth became dependent on my external accomplishments and, begrudgingly, meeting their expectations. Now, my parents are by no means bad people. Quite the opposite in fact, which made this revelation all the more difficult to accept. After all, they put a roof over my head, food in my belly and provided me with the means to experience more than the average kid. Therefore, I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I increasingly resented them and distanced myself further with each passing year. The pain from feeling alone and unseen, catalyzed the construction of a shiny, protective armor, which helped me retain my individual sovereignty, but was accompanied by rage and rebellion. Ironically, the facade of “perfection” and “supremacy” that reflected from my armor was merely a mask for my low self worth and “not enough”, which kept me shackled to the very pain I tried so hard to escape. As I moved through my early adult years, the painful patterns and unpleasant behaviors from my childhood began to increasingly spill into my friendships, business partnerships, romantic relationships and just about every other area of my life. Despite doubling down, my coping mechanisms (overachievement, avoidant behavior, repressing emotions, substance abuse, anger and superiority) were losing their effectiveness. As my armor and meticulously crafted life began to break down, piece-by-piece, I was swallowed by the agonizing emotional pain that had been lurking beneath all along. With death surely imminent, I was forced to decide whether it was my life or the patterns that got me into this mess to begin with.
First, let me start off by saying that this work is virtually impossible, and unwise, to do alone. We all need someone to light the path forward when we’re making the journey through the valley of darkness. For me, that light came in the form of mentors, coaches, therapy, books, podcasts and fellow seekers. However, there are 2 standouts that have profoundly impacted my 3+ year journey. The first being Dr. Brené Brown and her breakthrough research on the topic of shame and vulnerability. Brené helped me understand that shame is the bridge between my deepest wound/belief (I’m not enough) and the repertoire of intolerable behaviors or coping mechanisms that I could no longer live with. When I was triggered and defaulted to my belief that I wasn’t enough, shame was the emotion that I would feel (like a hollow pit in my stomach) before reactively projecting the pain through an outward expression of blame and anger. Becoming intimately familiar with shame fundamentally shifted my ability to show myself compassion, especially in those moments of feeling triggered. Brene also helped me understand that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather the single most important quality I needed to embrace in order to transcend the beliefs that I was not enough and unsafe to be seen. Without vulnerability, it would’ve been impossible for me to embark on the hero’s journey and get to the root of the behaviors that were wreaking havoc on my life.
My second standout has been Mastin Kipp. His work with Emotional Trauma and Attachment Patterns have been vital to my self-excavation and transformation. Mastin helped me understand that emotional trauma isn’t exclusive to the most horrible acts of victimization. We’ve all experienced it. As he defines it, “trauma is any experience of threat, disconnection, isolation or immobilization that results in physical/emotional injuries that dysregulate the optimal functioning of one’s body, emotions, brain, spirit or health.” When I started this work, I thought I could finesse my mind to shift my behaviors. Oh boy was I wrong. Neuroscience has proven that our mind is like an iceberg. Only 10% is visible or conscious, meaning the remaining 90% is beneath the surface and, therefore, unseen. Mastin showed me the framework to get from intolerable behavior (surface level) to the origin of my problems, held deep in my unconscious mind. With these tools I was able to identify the anatomy of my own patterns and begin to transform my behaviors by healing the core problem: emotional trauma. I’ve come to understand that there is no better tool to achieve a deeply fulfilling and high performance life than healing emotional trauma. Most importantly, he helped me understand that it is our wounds (emotional trauma) that lead us to our life purpose and reclaiming our power, which has become an integral part of my work.
To think that the pain I had been running from my entire life was intimately tied to my life’s purpose was rather terrifying at first. So many of my adaptations that helped me avoid touching into my core wounds were the antithesis of the qualities that living my purpose would require. Like radical vulnerability that would allow me to finally be seen v.s. the thick armor I once wore to portray an image of perfection. Remember when I said the needs I craved the most as a child were to feel connected through unconditional love and to be seen for my most authentic self? Well, low and behold those have been the two most constant underlying themes of my life. Though I spent my first ~30 years going to vast lengths to mask these unmet needs, I realized that leaning into them would align me with my life’s purpose. Where the former led to hitting one brick wall after another, being in alignment has opened up unimaginable doors with ease and grace. I realized that every event in my life, good and bad, has happened for me, not to me. I had to be disconnected from our natural state of unconditional love and feel unsafe being seen for my most authentic self, in order to empower others to make the courageous journey back to connection (wholeness) and liberate their sovereignty. So here I stand today.
My mission is to create a safe space and connection for my clients, so that I can empathetically guide them through their own process of self-awareness and transformation. I provide my clients with the tools to identify and transcend patterns that are standing in the way of stepping into their true power and living their life’s purpose. I’ve found that as they take power back from their patterns and circumstances, they experience a profound increase in vitality, elevated emotional states and report a greater sense of wellbeing (purpose).
Whether you’re picking yourself up from rock bottom or trying to take your performance to the next level, I can assure you that all that stands in your way is YOU. An empowering, albeit chilling, truth. However, we simply cannot get out of our own way when left to our own devices. We all need a mirror to reflect back to us and illuminate the path forward. Transformation can’t happen on the level of mind alone. We must be gently guided into the depths of our emotional blocks and given the tools to successfully navigate the journey.
I wholeheartedly believe that each and every one of us was born with a unique purpose. It’s the authentic expression we are all seeking. The answer to “why am I here?” Our youngest selves knew this purpose, before we were sidetracked by the false beliefs derived from conditioning and our response to emotional trauma. Therefore, our purpose is not found outside of ourselves, but deep within. Beneath, and intimately connected to, the very blocks keeping you stuck. Once we reconnect with it, our lives are forever changed. We become an unstoppable force, connected to a power so much greater than ourselves. The world needs you to live your purpose. I believe in you and support you unconditionally.
I’m beyond honored to be on this journey with you. If I can do it, then you absolutely can too.
Sending you my love,
P.s. If you’ve made it this far into my story, chances are that it resonates with you on a deep level and we may be suited to work together.